Sunday, April 12, 2009

Happy Easter.

Wow, I havent "blogged" in a little bit.

Sorry 'bout that.

Not that I know who Im talking to.

Since no one will be reading this.

So lets see..

My birthday was on Wednesday.


I got a DS lite and Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles Echoes of Time.

That's a mouthful.

I love it.

Ive been playing it non-stop and I think I might beat it soon. [[Which is bad because then Ill have no DS games to play.]] But I might borrow some of my brother's games. You never know.

I got this beautiful silver bracelet from my dad and step mom.

I tried taking a picture of it, but my camera was being laaaaame.

Also! I got my ears pierced again. Yes. Again.

Now I have ten piercings, and eleven holes.

I got the tragus:

This is not my ear.

I love it. I had it done on both ears. I will be truthful though: The 2nd one, hurt like a mo fo. First one was like Oh, you're done? Really? No. Not the second one. That one was like Oh s---! What the f---!?

I warn you all now.

Only get one at a time for any major piercing.

The adrenaline from the first one makes you all too aware of everything around you.

Which sucks.

Hmm, what else.

Well, today was my first Easter service as a Christian.

It was beautiful.

All I wanted to do was sing my heart out.

And I love how my Pastor teaches the Word.

He does it so well and it just makes everything so simple, y'know?

After service [[8:30!]] I went to my friend Kristine's house.

You may have heard of her.

We watched The Passion of the Christ.

It was.... I cant even describe it.

But Ill try.

Kristine's dad was teasing before we watched it that I was going to cry and I informed in that I dont cry.

"Yeah, uh huh."

Thanks Kristine's dad. Thanks.

So we start it. And it's pretty trippy. I think they did Satan well. [[If you can do that.]] He was just creepy enough, but still appealing to the eye and just sneaky enough.

Going to give me nighmares.

Because it was basically what I imagine him like.

So it goes on. Kristine's brother Nick is on the floor watching it with us and Kristine and I are huddled together on the couch.

I could feel Kristine trembling though the whole movie.

I probably did the same thing.

And about the crying, I almost made it.

Almost is the key word here folks.

I made it past the whippings, past the beatings, past all that.

It was the crucifiction.

Also, disclaimer: This movie is violent. There's a reason it's R. It left nothing out.

I made it.. to when they drove the nails in.

I just started sobbing.


And... half of it was fear. Sadness. Disgust. Loss of faith in humanity.

It's bad enough to do such things to people who have done wrong.

That is never okay.


But to do it to a completely innocent human is beyond words.

Just tears.

And... the other half was astonishment. Love. Warmth. Appreciativeness.

To see what someone would do for me.

For me.

The sinner.

That.. is also beyond words.

Just tears.

But this time, of joy.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Just my luck.

So to start off my exciting spring break

I get sick.



If you havent figured it out yet, and that would be a tad distressing, this is bad.

It's been basically rain rain and more rain all week

and you want to know what happened on April 1st?

It snowed.

Yeah, great April Fool's joke Mother Nature.

Bite me.


So Ive been home.


Lots, and lots of reading.

I just finished a series by Alison Croggon.

The first book is The Naming.

I deifinitly recommend it.

Magic and light and dark and adventure and all the good stuff that makes up a fantasy novel.

I dragged my sick self to the library today to get some new books.

Yeah, they may have to Quarentine them when I return the books, but hey; least Im not without book.

Lets see, what else.

Watched a ton of movies.

Brother beat Kingdom Hearts start to finish in three days.

That was fun.

The boy can beat Hades cup first try,

but gets lost in Hallow Bastion.

I do not jest.

I had to get him to the top.


Well, that's really about it.

Seventeenth birthday's in a week.


Geez, Im so cynical.

Fantastic isnt it?

Monday, March 23, 2009


Ah. Parents. Don't you love hate them?

This particular blog will be centering on my female parent.

So my mother. The laydown between us is we generally get along. Yes, we have spats; quite often. But not as often as people tell me we should.

Somehow our weird personalities click together or something.

Of course, a well oiled machine's gears can still grind occasionally.

SO. Saturday.

My mother goes to work before I wake up and is expected back abooooooout one o'clock. Okay.

This happens every Saturday.

I get up sometime that I dont recall and play FFxi all morning.

On a somewhat unrelated note I got black mage 75 this Sunday.

If you play FFxi you know I almosted pissed mah pants I was so happy.



So im doin' my thing and my mother slams open the front door and promptly says

"Why the fuck havent you been answering your phone?!"

Love you too Mom.

My morning's been great Mom.

How was work Mom?


My cell phone happened to be in my pant's pocket on my bedroom floor.

Yes, Im that organized.

Apparently my mom thinks that if I dont answer my phone that someone broke in, raped me, and then burned the apt down.

Not kidding.

So she starts screaming at me about how I care about only myself and she's been worrying all afternoon.

I go and check my phone to see 2 voicemails and 3 text messeges.

Talk about obsessive?

So she's screams more.

[[I will admit at this point I was screaming back.]]

So she freaks out and "sends me to my room".

Wait, peace and quiet?

My whole bookshelf to myself?


So I read for a little bit and she's storms in to 1. Take the book 2. Tell me to get ready because I had my driver's ed final.

Woopty Doo.

I was already nervous before my mom's on my case about breathing wrong.

As we're driving to the school, which is a fantastically long ride of 45 minutes.

Of dead silence.

Ha. I wish.

The whole time she's saying how disgusted and disappointed she is.

How I only care for myself.

How I am such an awful daughter.


Sooo we get there and I take my driver's test.

Got a 90%

Suddenly, my mother's so proud of me.

She just knew I would pass.

This is literally TWO HOURS after our spat.



So the moral of the story?

My mother has lost her credibility.

She says bad things?

They mean nothing.

She says good things?

Those are just as fake as the insults.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

I'm gonna die with a little help from my friends.

Watched Across the Universe today with younger brother. Funfun.

Hmm. Been a bit since I updated I believe. Well. A few things have happened. Not exactly "shoutatthetopofyourlungsfromabuildingroof" worthy. But y'know.

Why do you people read this?

Anyway. First order of business is me jumping around dancing like im a 4 year old about to piss her pants.

If you're new to me, this is normal.

I was taking a nap in my best friend's bed when my mother called. (Dont ask.) She informed me that in August I will be seeing one of my favorite bands Nickelback. General Admission. There was much screaming and potty dancing.

Now that I think about it, August is really far away.

Really, really, far away.

Then I thought of all the things that are hopefully going to happen before August 2009.

My seventeenth birthday: It's the yuckiest birthday right? Well, besides forty. 'Cause last year you got to drive and to be cool and enter high school. Next year you can vote and become a real person. What do you get for being seventeen? Oh yeah, you can see those rated R movies you sneak into anyway. Right.

Sat's: On May 2nd I will be taking my first set of SAT's. Im pretty nervous. I get the little "Question of the Day" thing in my email and so far Im 5/5. Which is cool. But I still have the tiny pit in my stomach, y'know?

Japan: Yes, you read that right. No, I'm not moving to Japan. My best friend Kristine is. Remember the crazy red head in the last blog? Well, her father is in the military and he's being stationed over there. Where, im not quite sure. Ill have to ask. But I'm going to freakin' miss that crazy girl. So it really hurts. It may not be obvious to you, but im extremely shy. I dont make friends well. And, it sucks when your best friend moves. This is my 2nd one to move far away. Gah, im sure a wimp.

Last day of school: Holy fudgemonkeys Im going to be a senior. As we speak, or type I suppose, I've been filling my class registration papers out for my senior year. It's pretty flippin awesome. And a little scary. Im not quite sure I want to go out into the real world quite yet.

Stateside: Or so I hope. I turned in my application last week and now im just waiting till April 19(?) to find out if im going. Im pretty sure I am since I went last year. But you never know. But that will being going on in July and that's pretty cool. Woo Colorado! I hear it's warm there. Gosh, I havent been warm since October. (Only a slight exageration)

Summer: Summersummersummer. 'nuff said.

School stuff: Y'know, get schedule, locker, picture taken, clothes shopping, etc.


Yes. My whole spring and summer will revolve around waiting for this concert.

Man, I need to get out more.


Thinking of all this stuff sort of put a damper on my excitment.

It's hard to stay excited for 5 months straight.

Unless you're a golden retriever.

Let's see.. what else...

Oh! Well, it's not exactly an event. But more of a thought Id like to share with you scarce readers.

Have you ever (and yes, this is a long shot) had your friend continually try to hook you up with their ex boyfriend? A ex boyfriend who is an ex because they dumped him?

Yes, read it a few times if you must.

Well, I love my friend. She's great. And I know said ex boyfriend. He's a good friend of mine. In fact, all three of us were skippy dippy fantastic before they decided to hook up and I became the third wheel. Yes, this bothered me a little. Of course it was going to. But it was short lived and now they're not dating.

Alright. Ok. Fine.

Now friend is forever making small comments about how we should date and how if I wanted to he'd date me in a heart beat and on and on. Said guy, is really cool. In fact, I can see why girls would date him. But he's more.. of a brother to me. That's as far as it gets.

And did she forget I was watching the whole time as their relationship spiraled out of control? I saw how he treats his significant other and how he reacts to certain subjects. Like how, I dunno, hen any conflict of any kind pops up he acts like a two year old.

Yeah, that's attractive.

I'm not sure if you've ever had this problem.

Well, it's not even a problem.

It's not bad. Or good. Or even irritating.

It's just... weird.


Big standardized test next week for all our baby sophomores. Good luck little ducklings! While you people must take a test an 8th grader could pass I have 2 hours of my morning to sit around school and do whatever I please within reason.

Ignore my mischievous grin.

Ha. Just kidding really. I got a ton of chem stuff to catch up on and my AP US teacher just decides to give us this insanely large amount of questions to do so we "dont get bored".

Yes, giving us more homework is going to liven things up around here realll quick.

You know what's more fun than homework?


Ok, not really.

But hell, it's up there.

Speaking of which, got to finish some crap for some class assigned by some teacher.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

How is it that...

When you have an abnormal amount of time on your hands and nothing to do, but as soon as you start the blog all of a sudden the time just flies and you're too busy to sleep!?

Well, that's my life in a nutshell. Never makes sense. (Whatcha gonna do?)

So some things that have happened since last blog:

God works in mysterious ways. If you recall, a blog some time in the past I was fretting about money and the costs of things. Well, good news and bad news. Good news? I get to go to Colorado! Yayyy. Bad news? Im not going to Disneyland. Yeah. Lil' bit of a downer there. Apparently not enough kids signed up or something so they had to cancel. But now I have money for my Stateside trip AND I have extra left over. So what did I do to vent my frustration? I shop. Oh yes. But not the way MOST people shop.

I buy books. Lots and lots of books. If you havent gotten the gist yet: I have an unhealthy obsession with books. I mean, look at my best friend (Sarah) hehe Luv ya Sarah. So my dad, my younger brother, and I drive to Portland Oregon. Now, I would rather not give away where I live specifically, but I might add that it's a pretty long drive. A few hours, at least. And I drove the whole way down and my brother drove back. I dont have my lisense yet but I do have my permit and I got quite a few hours in my log so im excited. We went to Powells (If you do not know Powells.. Well... I'm sorry. Let me try to explain. Big book store. 4 stories high. Cheap, cheap books. Whatever book you can think of, they got it. I got a book there [The Wanderer , Sharon Creech, totally recommend it. Quick read] for $1.50! It's amazing.) I spent about $100 there and that goes a loooong way in that store. So im pretty happy. Yeah.

That was Saturday. My week went downhill from there. Monday I got my phone taken away at school for a dumb reason, not even ligit. I mean, if they caught me texting (Which Im not saying I do... *cough*) then hey, my own dumb fault for getting caught, but this was dumb. I had taken off my coat and I didnt want it to fall out the pocket while I carried it around so I slipped it into my jean pocket and this guy comes from no where and is like RAWRSGKJHSDF... Yeah.

Soooooo yeah. And it's that time of the month. You know ladies. Not a fun one either. So im all RAWRGTDKFJHGI too.

And im still drowning in homework and driver's ed work. Im trying, but parents keep putting on the pressure and Im not taking it well.

Well, that's all I can really think of right now. Im a tad scatterbrained if you didnt notice. I forget things a lot.

OH! On Saturday (After my Powells adventure) I went to see Coraline (again. so good. A must see in theatres!!!) with Kristine, my little ginger pygmy.

[[This is us being amazing in Target.]]
Her not-man, Dylan, came too. He was nice and all, but I hadnt seen my best friend in three weeks (Which is forever for us. We hang out too much hehe) and I guess I just wanted to hang out with her, y'know? But it's cool. He likes her, she likes him. And I got along with him just fine, so it's all good I suppose. Then I spent the night at her house and we partied pretty crazy. (We were asleep by 11:30. We both love sleep too much for that crap.)

Well, that's bout it. Ima go before I add more stuffs on here hehe

Monday, February 23, 2009

Oh my.

Soooo yeah. My life? Quite boring. Played ffxi. new blog over there. Did science lab project thingy. I got to make liiiiitle molecular models out of toothpicks and spice drops. It was actually kinda fun.
Aaaaaand I had to drive tonight for driver's ed. Im pretty sure Im going to become a hobo so I dont have to get a driver's lisense. Yes. That is my plan. ('cept not really) But! I didn't hit anyone or anything. But I had to drive a Ford Taurus. Which is grosstastic. haha I like driving my dad's huge Dodge truck. Much easier to drive. Aaaaand it's fun to be bigger than everyone else so people move out of my way hehe.
And I finished my short story! Ok, so I finished the rough draft. Close enough right? Well, here's a little bit of it. If I get some response Ill post more of it up here. Alright?
Ugh, I havent posted in like a week and I still have nothing to say. But I have an excuse! Im talking to Kristine on the phone so she's distracting me. Yes, that's it. So blame her. She's one of my stalkers (followers) so check her out. I believe her picture is black and white. But I forget her url and Im too lazy to go get it.
That's about it.

The sound of glass breaking. It's never a good sound. But for a kindergarten teacher, occasionally, it's expected. Faye turned to face her class of 30 five-year-olds. All eyes almost comically wide with innocence. Veronica, the student teacher, looked to Faye for know what to do. It was, after all, her first week of interning and she was still learning how to deal with 30 devils with angel faces.

“Mr. Taylor, would you care to explain to me how the flower pot is all over the floor?” Faye asked calmly. A lanky red headed boy looked up at his teacher.

“I dunno what happened Mrs. Kirpatz. Wasn't me.” He replied innocently.

“Yes, well then perhaps staying in during recess to clean the mess up will help jog your memories.” Faye got up to help the rest of the class into their raincoats while Veronica got the red-headed boy a broom and dustpan. When all the children where either outside jumping in rain puddles or cleaning up broken flower pots, Faye sat down at her desk with a sigh.

“How... how did you know?” Veronica asked. “It could've been any of them.”

“Hun, when you've been a kindergarten teacher for 20 years you just know.” Faye replied with a smile.

“Some days” Veronica said with a sigh, “I feel like I'll never understand them.” She glanced and Faye. “When did you know you were going to teach? How did you know?”

Faye smiled. She'd seen many interns come and go. Some made it, some didn't. But she has a good feeling about this one. “It just takes experience... and a whole lot of patience let me tell you.” Faye added with a laugh.

“Well, it couldn't have been hard for you, you're an amazing teacher!” Veronica smiled shyly.
Faye grinned, “It's not all a walk in the park; but it's worth it.” She looked around Veronica to an expectant little boy. “All done then? You can go. Don't let it happen again, mind you.” As the boy raced out, completely forgetting his raincoat in his haste, Veronica asked, “If you don't mind, I'd love to hear your story.” She sat on a miniature desk, her toes barely grazing the carpet.

“If you don't mind, I'd love to tell it.” Faye responded with a teasing smile. Veronica blushed. “Let's see,” Faye began, starring off into space. “It began in my 2nd year of college....”

“Reine!” I know you're in there. Open up!” I continue to pound on the door relentlessly till I heard the lock click and the door open to reveal a tall, lanky boy with electric blue, spikey hair.
“Yes, m'dear? What has called you to my room at this indecently early hour?” He opened the door invitingly and I stepped inside Reine's usually cluttered room. But at the moment it was spotless. Old pizza boxes that usually littered the floor were gone, his mattress for a bed was made, and all his half naked male model clippings were taken off the wall.

“Parents visiting?” I asked as Reine dropped himself onto his bed with a soft “oof!”.

“Yep. Have to look good, have to look clean. Haven't told them the current state of my hair though.” He added with a wink. He picks up a discarded Vogue magazine and skims through it as I head to his closet and begin riffling through it.

“So when are you going to tell them you're gay?” I asked casually, still going through his things.

“And break their lil' old hearts? I think not.” He sat up in bed and looked at me quizzically. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Looking for my black heels. I know you have them. Why you have them, I can only guess. Where did you put them? Aha!” I hold up a black heel, followed by another, triumphantly. “Gotcha.”

“What's the occasion?” Reine asked, flipping through yet another issue of Vogue.

“Interview for internship,” I bit my lip, “for kindergarten teacher.” I added in a rush. Reine just stares at me. We're thinking the same thing. Me? Teacher? I explain to him how my counselor told me it's a good career idea. And since I don't know what I'm going to do anyway, it sounds as good as anything else.

“Well good luck. Knock 'um dead my chocolate giantess.” Reine said with a grin. He's called me a chocolate giantess ever since Jr. High. See, when you're 6'0” and your skin always has a dark brown shade to it, people often get the wrong impression. Some think I'm scary and won't talk to me. So to get through those tough years of school, Reine came up with the silly name and it seemed to help.

“Wait!” He calls to me. I peek my head back in the room, eyebrow raised. “When is your interview over? I want you to meet someone.” He smiled his lopsided smile he knows I cant resist.

“Noon. I'll meet you by the fountain at one, alright?” I turn to leave before I remember to ask: “Who is he?”

Reine smiled, almost nervously. “You'll find out.” He knows I hate surprises and I would've interrogated him more if I didn't have to get back to my dorm, get dressed, and take out my nose and eyebrow jewelry. As Reine so fondly put it: Have to look good, have to look clean.
I walked into the local elementary nervous. Not quite sure what I was suppose to do, I asked the secretary in the main office. She was so used to talking to children all under the size of 5'0” that she began her “Hel--” staring at my stomach. Her eyes traveled all the way up to my face and smiled wearily. It was one of those days. She informed me that the principal was busy and I should take a seat for the moment. I thanked her and turned around to find that the only seat available was between a chubby little girl with a nasty cut on her knee, and a boy who just couldn't sit still. Joy.

I sat down and the fidgety boy looked up at me, blue eyes round, and exclaimed, “You're so big, you must be a 6th grader!”

“You're so tiny, you must be a 1st grader!” I replied, trying to keep a serious face. The little boy puffed out his chest proudly and informed me he was in kindergarten. (But he got that a lot.) He chatted for some time at me. I say “at” because I couldn't really respond to him. He talked too fast and I didn't understand a word that came out of his mouth. Finally, the principal peeked her head out her office door and waved me in. The office was everything an elementary principals office should be. A wooden apple sat precariously on the edge of her desk and drawings given to her by either her own children or students cluttered the walls. A few items showed quite a large amount of college pride and I pointed at a flag that said “PORTLAND UNIVERSITY” on it with bright yellow letters and said “I go there”. The principal positively just glowed with happiness and bombarded me with questions of who still taught there and if the old tech building was still standing.

“Disaster waiting to happen, that building. But, down to business.” She said with a tiny smile, as if it was a joke I somehow missed. “Tell me about yourself. Do you want to teach? Any schooling? No criminal record I should hope. We check that out, you know. So,” She waved her arm in my direction, “go ahead.”

I cleared my throat nervously. “Erm. I'm Faye.. Faye Moon. I'm a student at Portland University. As of yet, I don't know what I'm majoring in. Teaching, for all I know.” I added with a smile. The principal just nodded and wrote things down on a piece of paper. “I have never taught before. Unless, teaching your siblings counts for anything. I graduated high school quite well off.” I hand her my transcript and resume, unsure if I should keep talking while she looked it over. I decided to continue on. “Erm, no criminal record. Nothing of that sort.” I talked on and on about things I had done and the woman just nodded a lot and occasionally asked a question. Apparently I passed inspection because I would start by being a student teacher in Mrs. Burrow's kindergarten class Monday morning.


“Wait, you didn't even know you wanted to teach till right before?” Veronica asked in amazement.

“Yep, had no idea; and look at me now!” Faye added with a laugh. Recess has ended and the soggy children (one little red head was particularly wet) filed in one by one. Both women helped the little boys and girls out of their jackets and sat them down for a nap. None of the children really gave much of an argument. All the running around they did must have exhausted them. When the last stubborn child was down Veronica turned expectantly to Faye.


After the interview I sauntered back to campus, having plenty of time before one o'clock. I had a lot on my mind. College work was slowly piling up, the new internship, and my work at Powells.
The one great beauty of living in Portland: Powells. I love books and I love working there. It's not that I needed the money. My parents sent me a reasonable amount for allowance each month. I just enjoyed working there. But with everything else going on, I didn't know how I'd fit the hours in.

I arrived at the fountain outside the library and sat along the edge, letting my fingers dip in the cool water. I sat there for a bit, spacing out and letting my mind wander, waiting for Reine to show up. I didn't really have to wait long. He waved to get my attention and started my way, dragging along a very unhappy looking guy. When they got close I recognized Reine's new boy-toy: Evan McClenn. He's one of those guys where if you see in the hallway or on street, you turn right around and walk the other direction. I'm pretty sure I have never seen this guy happy. Not one smile. I'm pretty sure this guy could look bored in the middle of Disneyland. What Reine saw in him, I can't say.

“Hey Reine. Hey.. Evan.” I nod to both boys. The lean, bored looking blonde cocked his head and looked at me intently.

“Faye.. Faye Moon, right? Last year Woman's Studies?” I nod again, examining my Crayola purple fingernails. “I knew it” Evan whispers to Reine, who already knew we were acquainted. I had often talked on and on about Evan when he irritated me in class. Oh yes, Reine knew I didn't like Evan. He knew very well. Lucky for Reine, Evan was completely oblivious to the frost that was I was probably emitting at that moment, and he cleared his throat nervously.

“So... want to get some coffee. With, y'know, us?” Reine lifted his hand, which was entwined with Evan's, as an explanation of sorts. Evan just stood there squinting in the sunlight.

“I'd, erm, love to,” I lied, “but I've got this horrendous term paper to write and with this new gig, who knows when I'll get time.” Evan nodding, understanding. Reine, on the other hand, saw right through my lie. He leaned forward and bent so we were face-to-face.

“Nice try” He whispered, “but I will hang out with you eventually. Just give him a shot. For me, please?” Reine smiled his lopsided smile. Then, with unexpected energy, he bound up and waved goodbye over his shoulder, dragging Evan behind him.

With the rest of my afternoon open, I swung into the library and checked-out a few books on teaching little kids. A few of them were how-to books for starting parents. I figured hey, same thing right? My hope was that I would impress by knowing a few things first day. But I found the first few months were just sitting there. Observing, they called it. Sure, occasionally I would interact with the kids. Teach a lesson or two. But that was much less exciting than I thought it was going to be. The real excitement? The first day I was fully in charge of an entire class. For an entire day.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Growing old is manditory, growing up is optional.

I'm tired of growing up. I'm tired of “Acting like a big girl”. Im sixteen. Turning seventeen in April. But holy hell, you'd think I was turning twenty by the way my parents are acting. Last time I checked sixteen ended with the term “teen”. Which would make me a.... teenager. Shocking, I know. When you're a teenager you screw up. Hell, when you're human you screw up. It's what we do. In fact, it's our prerogative to screw up. We just let it roll right off our shoulders and learn from it. I.e. - don't do it again. Though, as we all know, there are a few people out there where it takes a few times of hitting your forehead on the keyboard to figure out their eyebrows aren't going to type Shakespeare. But for most, once is enough to get the idea. But when you're grown up everything changes. When you do something that really messed things up.. you reflect on it again and again. You feel guilty. You are aware how you affect other people.

To hell with people.

Shall I give an example? I shall.

So yesterday my step mom was ranting on to my younger step brother about how he's messing up and it's stressing her out. This is about the time I pop into the kitchen for a snack. I inform my step mom that our lives are plenty stressful too, y'know. And she goes on this self-righteous rant about how her problems are more important and my crap is insignificant.

Alright, I will admit right here right now that my life is a hell of a lot easier than some. But does that make my feelings insignificant? School is hella frikkin stressful. And im taking driver's ed at the moment so double the homework and minimize the amount of time to do it. And friends. Love 'um... but they're stressful. It's all stress that we share. But does that mean your stress is more important than the next person's?

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Kid's screwing up = makes parents have stress. Yes. Understandable. Not that that's any extra stress on the kids. Oh no. 'Course not. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Lean in close. Ready?

I hate disappointing my parents. I must be the most straight edge teenager ever. I swear. But I really do hate that face that they make. You all know the one. So I made a little dedication to myself to do everything just a little bit better.

Alright, Im a terrible example of a teenager. Sue me. So Im standing there while my brother's getting ripped a new one and my dad gets in on this too. And he's all “you better not fail one test in driver's ed” to me (Note: I have a “Test” every class day. They're really more like quizzes.) because my brother failed a ton or something. *We go to different schools btw. Normal & driving) In my school you just come in early the next class day and retake the test. No big deal right? To my parents? Unacceptable.

Well it just so happens that I had driver's ed that night.

You see where this train wreak is going yet?

Yep, that's right. Failed my test. First I ever failed there. But it's cool, y'know. Just retaking it tomorrow.

So class ends and I get in the car and my dad does his usual “how was class?” and I tell him that I failed and he gets the “im disappointed in you silence” thing going on. And I just start crying.

Right there.

Over a dumb test.

(Note: For those who dont personally know me.. I rarely cry. When I do it's out of frustration or tiredness.)

So the moral of this long and confusing story is I'm fucking tired of being grown-up. I dont want to care about how I relate to people. To hell with people.